Before Transylvania
by SSTR87
Summary: We all love the crew from Hotel Transylvania. But, how did they get together? What drew these men to start their clique? I honestly can't answer that, but let's throw some Naruto action at the Monster Mash and see where we go! 100% Crackfic!


The battle at the Valley of the End was far greater than any unassuming ninja would have thought to be possible! Case in point, Naruto and Sasuke had completely changed the face of the landscape, the statues of Hashirama Senjuu and Madara Uchiha had been pulverized and reduced to rubble and both boys were panting as they laid on the shore on his own back, their heads level to one another.

Sasuke and Naruto both looked left with a smirk on his face and saw into the eyes his best friend and rival.

"That was awesome ttebayo!" Naruto cheered with the remainder of his strength.

Sasuke nodded his head, panting as his curse seal receded. "... Naruto..." he began softly, his voice light and his eyes distant. "I need to get stronger. I think Orochimaru is the only way I can gain that strength," he explained.

Naruto glared before rocking his head back and bashing skulls with Sasuke. "Don't say such stupid things, Sasuke! He gave you a cursed seal that saps your strength away!"

Sasuke winced in pain before he frowned at Naruto. "Then what should I do? Itachi is an S-Rank missing nin that's so much faster and stronger than me. Even Kakashi lost to him with a single glance," Sasuke pointed out before grimacing as his shoulder throbbed.

Naruto grinned like the bubbly blonde boy that he was. "If you're gonna leave to get stronger, I'm coming with you, dattebayo," Naruto informed as he got the strength to sit up.

Sasuke groaned and copied Naruto's actions. "You know, you've gotten really strong, Naruto," Sasuke praised with a smirk before squeezing his throbbing shoulder again.

"If were gonna go, we need to get a move on, right now," Naruto encouraged. He frowned at the way Sasuke kept clutching his shoulder.

Sasuke rolled his shoulders with a growl and the two Genin stood up before limping into the woods together...

 *****line break*****

Two boys were locked in a staring contest on a low bridge that crossed a simple stream. The first boy was dressed in all black: pants, longsleeved shirt, gloves with the middle and ring fingers exposed on both hands, shinobi sandals slicked back black hair and completed with a black ANBU cloak with a high collar. The second was... Well...

"N-... Murray, you're an idiot," the first decreed as he stared into the glowing yellow eyes that shown through the boy wrapped from head to toe in white gauze bandages.

"Huh?! Hey! No I'm not! This costume is genius ttebayo!" _Murray_ crowed in defense of himself as his arms gesticulated wildly.

" _Duuummy_ ," the boy in black offered while shaking his head.

"AH! ONLY A DUMMY CALLS ANOTHER ONE DUMMY!" Murray shouted while pointing.

"... Whatever. We've changed our looks enough to not be recognizable, so now where?" the normal looking boy asked.

Murray scratched his chin in thought. "Sunagakure? He's got that really cool sand technique! It'll be a good way to surprise Itachi when he tries to hit you," Murray offered in excitement.

"I can't do that technique, you need a Bijuu, idiot."

Murray gritted his teeth while simmering. "Draycule-uh-teme..." Murray growled lowly.

"Dracula, not Draycule-uh, Murray. Come on, I thought even a dead last would be able to get that right," Dracula taunted.

"Hey, what are you kids being so noisy for," came an irritated voice below the bridge where a hunched over man shuffled out, cleaning a bloody kunai. He was wearing a black robe with red clouds outlined in white. His eyes were peculiar as they were green with pink sclera.

Both boys tensed at the attire and exchanged a glance between one another.

"Hey ninja guy," Murray called out with enthusiasm. The ninja raised an eyebrow with curiosity. "We left our villages to become strong ninja like you Akatsuki guys!"

Kakuzu frowned slightly behind his robe at the boys knowing the organization's name, but then again they were starting to gain notoriety lately.

"So, what of it, mummy boy?" Kakuzu challenged heatedly.

"Train us! Make us powerful ninja like you," Dracula requested as both he and Naruto prostrated themselves.

Kakuzu blinked as he looked at the children. "I'm not a teacher, brats. Go back to your villages and die for the useless traitors you are," he encouraged as he began to walk away.

"We're not useless, asshole," Murray challenged while gritting his teeth. "Now train us or I'll kick your ass!"

Kakuzu frowned and froze midstep. "Look, if you kids into cosplay wanna follow me around than keep up. Don't expect me to pay for your meals or lodging, either. And when you piss me off, expect for me to end your miserable lives," he suggested as he looked over a scroll with a bounty listed.

Murray turned to Dracula with a wide grin. "Yosh! Let's go ttebayo!"

 *****line break*****

Two years had passed swiftly in Konoha leaving the village mostly unchanged. The difference was Hinata and Sakura were now living together; with the loss of their most important loved ones, the two young kunoichi had sought a shoulder to cry on. It helped that the two were classmates.

A heavy gust of wind blew through the village, carrying an unusual dust cloud that seemed to aim at the Hokage Tower. Tsunade frowned as her sake was knocked over by the heavy gust. Oh, and on a side note her ignored paperwork was scattered about. "Hm?" she noised as she felt something familiar.

A small black bat roared into her office, wings ablaze and landed on the floor, rolling in the dust. "Ahhh! Hot! Hot!" Came a very familiar voice, if a little older than before.

Slowly, the sand on the floor began to stir and spin until it formed a portly figure with an impossibly wide grin. Stranger than the smile was the fact Tsunade could clearly look within the gaping maw and see pure darkness.

"Tsunade-baachan!" cheered an even more familiar voice. One that said a phrase which made the fifth Hokage's eyebrow twitch in annoyance.

Faster than Murray could react Tsunade was embedding her fist within his head, separating the bandages and scattering sand everywhere.

"K.k.k... Naruto..." Tsunade growled as she watched the sands reform to that same silly wide grin.

"Bahahaha! That didn't even tickle, granny! You're losing your touch in your old age," Murray challenged while Dracula finally put out his flaming wings.

"You were supposed to be my cloud cover, dummy," the little bat growled before flashing with purple chakra to take the form of a teenage boy with a harsh glare on the Mummy.

"Err... Sorry about that Drac," Murray apologized while running a hand over the back of his head.

"'Sorry, Drac,' he says," grumbled the vampire as he shook his head. Looking to the entertained and amused eyes of Tsunade, Count Dracula coughed into his fist. "Sorry about that, Tsunade-sama. Count Dracula: Vampire and S-Rank ninja at your disposal," he introduced with a flourish of his cloak.

Tsunade bit her lip so as not to laugh just yet.

"Hey! I was supposed to go first," Murray complained with a giant frown.

"Look, you got me burned. Deal with it," Dracula admonished with closed eyes.

Murray let his disproportionate shoulders sag. "... Yeah, I guess so. Well, I'm Murray The Mummy, the most revered sand user this side of Sunagakure!" he introduced while glowing with green chakra and posing like a superhero.

At this point Tsunade lost it and fell from her chair howling in tear-filled laughter.

Oh, the fact that the two truly were classed as S-rank ninja was undisputed, but the fact that Tsunade recognized the voices easily enough and the mannerisms gave away any lingering doubt raised her spirits at two years of not having any interaction with either boy.

"Huh, wonder what was in that sake jar," Murray considered while blinking.

Dracula shrugged before looking out of the window from a distance into the village. "No idea... Hey I wonder where Kakuzu got off to?"

At that moment a commotion could be heard from below as a truly massive man, easily five times the mass of a normal man came stomping his way through the village, wearing a simple cloak, one that obviously gave away his status as a member of Akatsuki. Half of the village's ninja were currently firing jutsu at him that he was easily shrugging off as he continued at a leisurely pace.

"Excuse me, pardon me," Kakuzu offered as he headed for the Hokage Tower. "I really do need to talk to your Hokage and you're delaying me," he complained, trying hard to restrain from his usual temperament.

"Come on, fire everything you've got! This guy is definitely Akatsuki!" shouted Ebisu as he threw kunai at a high rate.

Walking along with the man taking all the fire was Hidan, a Jashinist that kissed his inverted ringed triangle medallion that hung from his chain. "Thank Jashin-sama that you're so fucking huge, Kakuzu. I wouldn't want to be blown to pieces by some of those blasts. It wouldn't kill me, but it would certainly hurt."

"Hidan, shut up or I'll kill you," Kakuzu growled irritably as he shrugged off another volley of explosive kunai.

Back within the office, Kabuto adjusted his glasses with a little smirk. "Is it any surprise no one noticed me?" he challenged of Dracula and Murray.

"Gah!" both ninja cried out while Murray landed in Dracula's arms, both glaring in the direction of Kabuto. "Don't do that!"

"..." Kabuto let his shoulders slump as even Tsunade seemed to be alarmed at his presence.

"Who the hell are you and how'd you get in here?" Tsunade barked harshly.

"Kabuto. Yakushi Kabuto, traitor of the Leaf and loyal henchman of Orochimaru!"

"Orochimaru had a henchman?" Tsunade considered as she thought back to the last time she saw former teammate.

As Tsunade's frown grew deeper Kabuto groaned in disappointment. "Come on, I actually fought with you! You even complimented me on my skill to recover from your scrambling neurons punch," he pointed out helpfully.

Tsunade shook her head. "Nope. I can't say we've ever met. Are you sure you defected from this village? I'm pretty sure that you'd have a wanted status right?"

Off to the side Dracula and Murray were snickering at Kabuto's expense while the mednin fumed.

"I told you, Kabuto... *snicker* You need a more standout name! Like.. 'Invisible Man'!" Murray offered while laughing.

Dracula raised a finger in thought and added his own two cents. "Dr. Griffin, yeah that's noteworthy. Much better than bucket helmet," he pointed out, to which Tsunade nodded.

"Especially with that ability of yours to turn invisible," Tsunade pointed out merrily. She was far too upbeat considering she was talking to a missing ninja, and a pair of brats gaining attention at that.

"Yeah, Dr. Griffin, The Invisible Man! That's memorable and threatening," Murray pointed out.

"... But, I can't turn invisible at all," Kabuto offered as he adjusted his glasses.

"Whoa! Totally forgot you were over there!" Tsunade shrieked as she held her heart.

"Right? He's always doing that to us," Dracula pointed out while shaking his head.

Kabuto only sighed at never gaining recognition.

"So what brings you to Konoha, 'Count Dracula', 'Murray The Mummy', 'Dr. Griffin'?"

"It's Kabuto!"

"Gah! Who said that?!" squeaked Shizune as she entered the office with Kabuto behind her back.

Tsunade snickered behind a hand as she spoke. "That would be uh... What was his name again?" Tsunade paused in deep as she looked to Murray and Dracula for help, unfortunately the two were snickering rather than speaking up. "I think I'll stick with his moniker then, 'Dr. Griffin, The Invisible Man'," she replied while Kabuto shed a single tear.

"Dr. Griffin, that's a rather scary name. Makes you think of a really dangerous doctor or scientist," Shizune pointed out with a shiver.

Dracula gestured to the ravenette while smiling broadly at the glasses in the room. "Eh? See, I told you so," he offered helpfully.

At this time Kakuzu and Hidan entered the Hokage's office neither the worse for wear. Tsunade glared at the Akatsuki members harshly and clenched a fist tightly. "Akatsuki! What are you doing here?!"

Dracula frowned and folded his arms, his cape revealing the cloud pattern design. "Jeez, we've been here in your office for like three minutes and never got a single shout of worry or fear," he grumbled.

"Oooh, I'm Dracula, 'blah blah-blah,'" Kabuto taunted and smirked, but no one noticed.

"It's because you're both Junior Members, dip shit," Hidan pointed out as he cleaned his fingernails on his three bladed scythe.

"May I introduce our Jounin sensei and his longest lasting partner, Kakuzu and Hidan, the Immortal Brothers. Or, as I keep trying to get them to call each other, Frank and Stein," Murray addressed with a flourish and a wide grin at the end.

"Shut up Murray, I'll never go with Frank and Stein. I still don't know how you found out our clan names, brat," Kakuzu addressed in annoyance.

"Run," came the demented half shout, half whimper as an extremely hairy boy dashed into the office and hid beneath the desk of Tsunade. As the Hokage took a look below she looked at Kiba with dark brown fur everywhere on his body and a face that seemed more wolf-like than ever before. He was curled up and holding his knees to his chin as innocent puppy eyes pleaded with Tsunade for asylum.

A second person burst into the room growling and slavering like a rabid animal despite being completely human. "Where did that brat get off to?" Tsume growled as she sniffed the air, not picking up her son's scent.

Tsunade plucked the boy up by his collar. "Is this who you're looking for?" she asked innocently while Kiba trembled.

"Yeah, that's Kiba alright. Even if he looks a little different," Tsume assessed as she growled and began to stomp towards the dangling wolf boy.

Murray was quickly on the rebound, wrapping an arm around the terrified Kiba. "Just play along," Murray whispered in an obvious fashion. "Naw, you must be mistaken! He's a teammate of ours," he offered lamely.

"He is?" asked the entire room collectively.

Murray twitched. "O... Of course," he began slowly.

"He looks an awful lot like my Kiba when using his combination transformation," Tsume pointed out skeptically with narrowed eyes.

"Err... Uh... Are you saying all werewolves look the same, Lady?" Murray rebounded with tightly narrowed eyes.

"Y.. Yeah, are you a speciesist," Kiba returned with a sweatdrop.

Tsume coughed lightly into her palm with a light flush to her cheeks. "Heavens no," she protested. "I didn't mean it like that! My best friend is a wolf," she quickly added.

Tsunade rolled her eyes, already well caught onto the lie while the Akatsuki members just stared on in confusion.

"So, what's his name then," Tsunade challenged with closed eyes as a tick mark appeared at still holding the boy up.

"His.. uh... name?" Murray stumbled.

"Yeah. He does have a name, doesn't he, 'Murray'," Tsunade continued to press.

"Uhhh," Murray considered while scratching his head.

"Wayne!" shouted Kabuto taking an opportunity to give someone else a basic name.

"Eek!" Tsume squealed as she jumped six feet in the air, clutching her heart. "Who said that?!"

"I did, Ka-" he began.

"The Invisible Man!" Tsume called out with wide eyes. "You're reputation precedes you and you certainly live up to your name," she affirmed while clutching at her heart.

"Oh come on! How can that already be a thing?! They just gave me that name and title," Kabuto complained as he adjusted his glasses. Of course by this point all attention had left from him.

"So, Wayne, huh?" Tsume returned while stroking her chin in thought. Both Murray and 'Wayne' were nodding in time to one another. "I have a daughter if you're looking to have a litter," Tsume suggested with a smirk.

Wayne turned green and was subsequently dropped by Tsunade. "No, uh she's not my type," Kiba, err Wayne, replied.

Tsume frowned at the sharp outburst. "But how would you know? You haven't even seen her yet," Tsume protested with her arms folded.

"Err... That is to say... I'm... only... into WEREWOLVES! Yeah, that's the ticket," he congratulated himself as his tail wagged in joy.

"Werewolves?" asked Tsume, Tsunade, Murray and Kakuzu at one l once. Hidan shrugged with a smirk as he approached Tsume.

"I'm into human women," he suggested as he smirked at Tsume...

 **OoOoOoOoO**

 **AN:**

 **Oh dear! Why is Akatsuki in Konoha? What nefarious scheme can the monster mash be up to? Will Hidan hook up with Hana Inuzuka?**

 **Okay, calm down! I hope everyone has at least one laugh in this story. As anyone who has read my fics can point out, I write a wide variety of stories from serious to thriller, silly to smut. But, I'll tell you now. I really, really love crackfics! I had a look through the Hotel Transylvania x Naruto stories and can only find these serious dramas trying to pair Naruto with Mavis. While I think it's a cute pairing, I have a little bit more original idea...**

 **Well, if you laughed through this, I have more to come as the monster mash solidifies itself and we get to meet some of the favorite and familiar faces of the Hotel Transylvania movie.**

 **Pairings are decided and will not happen in the expected fashion. Not at all...**


End file.
